Slumming n. The act of touring through the poor side of town to gawk and make fun of the inhabitants there, usually with a group of one’s friends. Notably an activity of insecure rich white kids. (www.urbandictionary.com)

My friend Andy convinced me to go on a trip to Wicker Park. Now, I’ve heard that Wicker was a little more alternative and emo-esque than Lincoln Park but I really had no idea that the infection of alternaculture was so widespread. I was surprised at how nice the Damen Blue Line stop was; it was themed perfectly with art lining the inside of the station.

The quaint art of the El stop soon faded as I exited the station and entered a different land than the tree lined streets and small vintage shops of Armitage. There was a dirty hippie and his alternative girlfriend selling custom, vintage T-shirts right outside the El stop. A quick left out of the station brought me to the corner of Milwaukee/Damen/North where I found a Starbucks; perhaps there was hope for Wicker after all.

We walked South/East down Milwaukee and entered Reckless Records. Andy perused some vintage vinyl while I was amazed at the number of alternative people. There were guys wearing really tight worn in jeans, a “vintage” printed t-shirt, small leather jacket, chunky and/or checkered shoes topped off with a mod/messy haircut that looks like they just got out of their small one bedroom alternapartment hung-over from a punk concert the previous evening only to flat iron their bangs and head out for a day of being alternative. The thing is, though, they fit into the scenester category perfectly, trying so hard to not fit in that they conform.

Down Milwaukee, past the upcoming Urban Outfitters, is a thrift store called The Brown Elephant. While perusing through all the alternaclothes, old vinyl, vintage jackets and other crap I found a diamond in the rough. Upon a shelf were four Stella glasses. They were on sale for $2 each. What a find! I quickly snagged them up and paid promptly.

An hour or so later Andy, Troy and I started to declare our hunger. There were a few nice places to choose from on Milwaukee that looked like they had been influenced by the Village, but I felt like I had to fit into the culture so we opted to go to Earwax Café. First, the place is themed like a circus and since I absolutely hate clowns I thought it would be an adventure.

We were greeted not by a circus clown with a wide smile lined with red makeup but by an alternahost, a guy wearing tight jeans with one leg rolled up, a small blue blazer over a shirt and tie combination which made him look, well, very Wicker.

We were seated promptly, ordered iced tea and water followed by a Hummus plate appetizer which was very, very good; I especially enjoyed the cucumbers.  The menu was an alternamenu filled with healthy, hippie foods. We all ordered the Feta Spinach Turkey Burger and had different sides; I had the chips and salsa, which was basically Tostito chips with chunky salsa, Andy had the potato salad and Troy had the fries.

While enjoying my meal I peered left and found a statue of a gigantic monkey touching itself. I shrieked out and pointed it out to my counterparts. The burgers were delicious, Hummus excellent, service up to par and décor interesting enough to make Earwax Café truly a staple alternarestaurant in the heart of Wicker that I will have to visit more often.

The hippie, healthy meal left me feeling very good about my health. So good in fact that I promptly returned home with my new Stella glasses, placed them in the dishwasher in my fabulous Lincoln Park apartment and hopped in the car to go to Sam’s Liquors to pickup a case or two of Stella to drink before going out.

To my surprise Sam’s closes at 9PM on a Saturday, which to me is prime booze purchasing time. Andy and I debated where to go and eventually we ended up at the Jewel in the Gold Coast (ew) to get our beautiful Stella beer. After some predrinking and laughter we ended up doing the VIP room at Sound-Bar.

(3 votes, average: 3.67 out of 5)

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