The LPCS Executive Committee began the Sheffield Garden Walk in true Lincoln Park fashion by fueling up at CBA for a busy day of Trixie hunting, Chad networking and, of course, Blue Moon drinking. A round of Xandu on wheat bailey washed down by B-Relaxed Jackfruit with vitamin B Vitamin water. After CBA we stopped at Starbucks to get a round of iced grande sugar free vanilla non-fat lattes.

Our consultant Trixie took us to the “West Armitage” shops such as Out of the West, Rugby, and Barker & Mewosky, just to name a few. After a quick visit to the West shops, we headed East while Trixie shopped in Lush, Kiehls, Active Endavors, Paul Frank, American Apparel, United Colors of Beneton. On the North Aldo, Metropark, Club Monaco and of curse Barneys Coop. We then stopped at the Starbucks at Webster and Halsted for another round of iced grande sugar free vanilla non-fat lattes since we had worked though the previous round.

We walked down Dayton and viewed the Garden Walk houses.  Post-mating Trixies had moved beyond battling for top status with expensive purses and were now instead dukeing it out with extravagant gardens.  Her husband, likely by this age a partner at the firm, can do nothing but sit back and fund the whole experience while relaxing with another beer.

Next on the list were lunch, dinner and beer at Minnie’s on Halsted. After four hours of gluttony, watching the sun set, making friends with our server and getting a free round of beer and shots, we were ready to hit Kelly’s Pub.

The LPCS Executive Committee whole heartily endorses Kelly’s Pub. During the Garden Walk, they setup a large outside tent under the ‘El’ tracks, which provides for a wonderful Chicago experience. We marked our territory by taking control of a table. As the El cars passed overhead, our beeramid grew. By the end of the night it was five tiers high, until a drunk Trixie’s huge bag toppled our monument to debauchery.    

 Amanda is a 25 year-old marketing manager for a major firm in downtown Chicago. She resides around the quaint intersection of Sheffield and Webster in the Village.

7:10 AM Wake up, shower, change, change again, change purses.

7:50 Pickup wheat bagel with easy cream cheese, bottle of water at CBA on Armitage.

8:10 Wait for inbound Brown Line train.

8:20 Continue to wait for inbound Brown Line train.

8:22 Crowd onto train. Scout for cute Chads that might be seen later around Franklin and Madison.

8:40 Pickup a Venti at Starbuck’s in order to get charged for the day.

9:00 Shop for purses on eLUXURY.com and nordstrom.com.

9:20 Answer some phone calls, email back the graphic designer telling him to go with the blue color scheme since it is more “fresh” for spring.

10:30 Email the girls to see where lunch will happen.

11:45 Meet up with Veronica for a Caesar wrap tortilla (easy dressing) at Goodwin’s.

1:00 PM Marketing meeting. Color schemes: blue vs pink (they don’t get it, blue is the new pink). I took some notes on my Steno pad, but was distracted by Brian the majority of meeting. My notes consisted of ”blue > pink” and ”Amanda + Brian + BMW”. 

3:00 Marketing meeting. Web design demo. The web designeres showed up some new mockups of the website. All in all good, but how come it took them a week to do it!

4:30 Email the girls about getting dinner and drinks.

6:00 Leave the office, laugh at the suburban people that are rushing over the river to catch their trains to head back to small towns that I have never heard of.

7:30 Meet up with Jenny and Ashley at Enoteca Piattini for a light dinner and half price wine.

7:46 Give Veronica advice to take the $24,000 position at Deloitte since it will get her foot in the door.

8:20 Greg drives by our outside table in his Mercedes.

8:23 Greg parks on Bissell, comes up to our table with his (fake) platinum blonde girlfriend of the week and attempts to be social.

8:30 Order another glass of white wine - hey, it’s half price.

9:00 Debate about going to Kinkade’s for another drink.

9:10 At Kinkade’s for another drink.

9:15 Scope out the main floor, downstairs, upstairs, upper back.

9:20 Giggle and flirt with a few Chads to make Greg jealous.

9:30 Walk up Sheffield and head home to get a good night sleep for tomorrow’s marketing meetings.

Trix-a-tastic.

Dear Drunk Trixie, Please do not cause traffic to backup on Armitage at 9:15 PM on a Friday when you were drunk trying to get a cab to your girlfriend’s loft in order to drink some blush wine and talk about how Chad ‘totally blew you off’ at the bar.  He just isn’t into you.I had to put the Jeep out of gear, stop, wait and then speed up only to stop in 10 feet because you were a drunken mess.

Brent

In this example, Ms. Drunk Trixie was trying to get an eastbound cab on Armitage. She hailed the cab in the middle of the street, slowly climbed in while the cab was blocking the entire intersection during the endeavor. Please remember the Intersection Rule and get into the cab at the curb after the intersection as to let traffic continue to flow.

With beams of natural light coming in from your bedroom window and the foul hangover dry mouth taste starting to get stronger in your mouth, you rollover and head to the bathroom. Depending on how much alcohol was consumed the night before, this journey could be a simple urination or a time to puke.  As memories of bars, bottles, shots and hotties start to become more focused and defined in your memory, the timeline of the night comes into focus.

Hopefully your stomach is still functioning normally so it’s time to focus on how to tackle that horrible splitting headache.

Here are LP Chad’s top recommendations for taking care of that horrible hangover.

1. Healthy/Greasy Food

On Saturday and Sunday mornings, until the late afternoon, Chicago Bagel Authority (CBA) is packed with LP moms who bring in their children with sport edition strollers to get them a bagel and OJ. Despite the large amount of babyness in CBA, it is an excellent cure for a hangover. Lpchad endorses the Mr. Turkey on wheat no tomato or the Smitty’s Nook.

2. Brunch with Optional Drinks

Call up your Chads that were with you at the bars last night and have brunch at Tilli’s. During the winter months get a seat next to the fire. During warmer weather, get a seat outside on the patio in the sun; this will allow you to recap the night while wearing a backwards baseball cap and talk about how hot Jenny looked last night (be careful with this topic because she may have gone home with one of your bros a few weeks ago).

If you have the stomach for it, order a mimosa or a bloody marry.

Since Trixies also like Tilli’s and congregate here in gaggles during brunch time, this will give you a good chance to see that hottie from last night sober in the daylight. If you recognize a face and remember getting a number from a specific gal, send a simple text message such as “how are you feeling”, “last night was fun” or “go Cubs”. After sending the text message, watch and see if the girl in question picks up her mobile and types a reply. This will help you identify and see if she is worthy of further attention.

3. Convience Store Trip 

Drink the largest bottle of Gatorade from 7-11 as fast as you can, sit back in your couch and pull up some shows on the DVR. There is nothing more relaxing than a few episodes of The Simpsons as you wallow in the headache from last night’s festivities.

A recent search on Google brought me to Laura’s MySpace blog. Normally I shy away from MySpace since it is populated with horrible sparkly backgrounds, YouTube videos and 14 year olds but her post about Chads was intriguing. She helps define the differing spectrum of Chads while reviewing her past encounters with men including:

• Chadrool
• Chadwag
• Chadillac
• Chadoofy
• Swinging Chad
• Manly Chad
• Chadsexual
• Dimpled Chad
• Flaming Chad
• Chandy
• Naperville Chad
• Hanging Chad

Despite the fact of living in Hoffman Estates, I’d buy her a drink any day.