The holiday season is fast approaching and office secretaries have been planning holiday parties for a while now. I will be attending the firm’s office party this Friday. Here are a few guidelines to survive the holiday office party.

1. Bring your hottest Trixie as an accessory. She will not only impress your boss with her hot little Armitage-bought boutique dress, but will serve as a bubbly distraction when conversation goes dry with your co-workers. She will giggle with champaign and delight co-workers with jokes about popular culture if you are stuck talking to the stoner mail room clerks.
2. Don’t drink too much at an office function. We at lpchad.com always enjoy the open bar, but often over indulge at them. Too many Goose Island’s will make that voice in your head that judges what you say before it comes out will go numb after the twelfth beer. You might end up telling your Trixie date that you really want to sleep with her roommate Jenny, oops. You will have plenty of time to drink after the office party is done at 9/10PM. Head back up to Armitage to meet your fellow Chad’s at Kinkade’s later for the real party.
3. Even if the office party is over the river in River North from your office in the Loop, drive your car. Borrow your friend’s M5 if you only have an M3. Don’t forget to tip the valet and tell him that you’ve “counted the change in the ashtray” in order to add touch of arrogance to your persona.
4. Only talk to your fellow investment bankers and attorneys. Get free tips on hedge funds and ways to work our Mayor Daley’s red tape. Associate with people that you would like to be, or manage someday when you become partner. When in need for conversation, your new set of golf clubs and the stock market are your safest bets. Steer clear of politics, religions or the Sox v. Cubs debate; you can save those for impressing future girlfriends at your sister’s next dinner party.
5. A smart Chad always compliments the partners’ wives, no matter how middle aged they are.

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