Today on the Brown Line I saw a student studying a Microsoft office book. He was reviewing exam questions for Excel 2002. I’ve been creating graphs and analyzing trends in Excel since I was in high school.

Microsoft Excel 2002

Also, does he know that Office 2007 is about to be released? The information that he is studying is horribly out of date. Sometimes I feel sorry for people that don’t get the latest technology from the Firm. I’ve been running Office 2007 since it was at Beta 1.

Don’t get your Jeep or Land Rover towed! Remeber that at 3AM on December 1st Chicago’s Winter Parking Ban goes into effect.

The Winter overnight parking ban will be in effect on about a dozen main priority routes - approximately 107 miles of city streets - from 3 a.m. to 7 a.m. between December 1st and April 1st - regardless of snow. Enforcement of the ban begins Thursday morning, December 1st at 3 a.m. (Overnight Wednesday into Thursday morning).

City of Chicago

Assume confines of standard Brown Line car.
 
Define:
D = Dumpy Passengers
A = Attractive Passengers
L = Lateness in the AM; L=0 at 07:30 AM.
 
Let %D + %A = 100%
 
At all values of L less than .25 hours, %A = 5%
As L approaches 1 hour, %A = 50%, the maximum value of the function
As L approaches 2 hours, %A approaches negative infinity

The holiday season is fast approaching and office secretaries have been planning holiday parties for a while now. I will be attending the firm’s office party this Friday. Here are a few guidelines to survive the holiday office party.

1. Bring your hottest Trixie as an accessory. She will not only impress your boss with her hot little Armitage-bought boutique dress, but will serve as a bubbly distraction when conversation goes dry with your co-workers. She will giggle with champaign and delight co-workers with jokes about popular culture if you are stuck talking to the stoner mail room clerks.
2. Don’t drink too much at an office function. We at lpchad.com always enjoy the open bar, but often over indulge at them. Too many Goose Island’s will make that voice in your head that judges what you say before it comes out will go numb after the twelfth beer. You might end up telling your Trixie date that you really want to sleep with her roommate Jenny, oops. You will have plenty of time to drink after the office party is done at 9/10PM. Head back up to Armitage to meet your fellow Chad’s at Kinkade’s later for the real party.
3. Even if the office party is over the river in River North from your office in the Loop, drive your car. Borrow your friend’s M5 if you only have an M3. Don’t forget to tip the valet and tell him that you’ve “counted the change in the ashtray” in order to add touch of arrogance to your persona.
4. Only talk to your fellow investment bankers and attorneys. Get free tips on hedge funds and ways to work our Mayor Daley’s red tape. Associate with people that you would like to be, or manage someday when you become partner. When in need for conversation, your new set of golf clubs and the stock market are your safest bets. Steer clear of politics, religions or the Sox v. Cubs debate; you can save those for impressing future girlfriends at your sister’s next dinner party.
5. A smart Chad always compliments the partners’ wives, no matter how middle aged they are.

Did anyone else recieve street cleaning parking tickets on 11/21 and 11/22 from Officer W. B.? He seems to be making the rounds at 9AM. Signs for street cleaning on Bissell and Fremont were not posted in advance and I got a $50 ticket on both days.

What have I learned? Park your car in a street cleaning zone in Lincoln Park after 10AM and you will be fine.